I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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