her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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