Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
