It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
