Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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