The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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