You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
