She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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