I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
