apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
