i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
