lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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