So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
