You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
