Porn is love you can see.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
