Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
