If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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