butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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