apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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