so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
