You can't motorboat a personality
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
