I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
