I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
