1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
