Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
