I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
