i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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