I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
