Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
