bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
