I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
