I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
