We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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