This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
