is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
