You smell like stripper and shame
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
