Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
