I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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