And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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