so that wasnt chicken after all
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
jump out the window naked night went bad
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
