yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
