i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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