Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
