I cockslap morals
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
