I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
