Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As shirtless as possible
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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