Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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