I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
