On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
