pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
