I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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