Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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